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He Desires Your Loyalty This goes hand in hand with respect. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage. And we do need your support. If you are constantly threatening divorce or separation or Khula Islamic divorce initiated by the wife , you can expect your marriage to fizzle out very quickly. You should be loyal to your husband before everything else except Allah and His Messenger pbuh. Men desire sex. Men really desire sex. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.

Please keep the following hadith in mind: When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he the husband spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning. Bukhari and Muslim. Let me explain this. All men think about other women. It just means that all straight men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman i.

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The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets:. Of course not. Sometimes we screw it up and forget our anniversary. But we really would prefer to remember because we know it would make you happy.

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So when your husband buys you a gift, accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely, and use it as often as possible. You can nudge him to make him better.


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This takes deliberate words, a soft touch, and careful action. No one likes to be preached to. The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth. Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience. Chapter , Verse 3 7.

Of course, we are supposed to emulate him pbuh as much as we can. And for most of us, we are doing the best we can. Most men live for their ego.

Real men are people their wife and children can count on. No man has ever risen to the real stature of spiritual manhood until he learns that Allah has given him superiority in physical strength and financial means to serve his family. If men really want to earn the respect of their family, they must drop the cocky act.

Any man who constantly demands compliments and praises for every little thing he does is harbouring deep insecurities with respect to his self esteem. Deep down he is unsure of his worth so he wants his wife and children to big him up. This only amplifies his hunger for power over her. He assumes he is more worthy than his wife. He becomes extremely narcissistic.

6 Tips on How to Have a Strong Relationship

The result, she must pay homage to the god of his respect everyday or suffer being emotionally bullied or worst slapped around. He tells her she is an incompetent wife and she feels bad about herself. If there is one thing I have learned is that a trait of a truly respectful man is humility. Humility is difficult for men. I encourage Muslim writers to ask men to fight their battles against groundless arrogance they assume over their wives. Please teach men that humility is knowing their own limitations, the strength of admitting that men are not always right by the virtue of being men.

Humility is the knowledge that men are not God and that their wives can have something to teach them out of generosity and not contempt.

The Right Person

The wives are not the enemy when they do not listen to their husbands. Wives have feelings and emotions that the husband are not appreciating. Without humility it is impossible for the husbands to feel and express gratitude, appreciation, hope, or empathy for their wives. It is very hard to show undying support to a man who has a hard time keeping his gaze down when he constantly polices his wife to put on every piece of clothing available in the house before going outside. It is also very hard to be supportive of a man who cannot provide stability in the marriage — emotionally or financially.

Why does our community not reprimand those men who do not make any effort to hold a steady job? Almost every learned person these days is on the pulpit telling boys with ragging hormones to tell their parents that them married. Last time I checked, the Prophet Muhammad s.

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Complete their education. Secure some financial independence. I am not trying to be bias. I understand that this article is just a nasiha for good wives about their good husbands. We live in a world where are a growing number of men are less than able to be husbands. By only preaching the ideal, we are ignoring a majority to which these advises do not apply. For instance, the cases of domestic violence is more common among men who are seemingly more religious than non-practicing men. I hate to say this but such classes are a breeding grounds for hypocrisy. Men attended such classes to feel good about themselves and come home and beat their wives.

Omg I absolutely utterly agree with your comments. You have done a great job explaining this. There is no-one respectful person who doest get respect…it comes from yourself, not from people around you. The first comment excplains everything so good already 2. Once my husband bought me 3 delicious gifts. One of my son broked one of these gifts. Everyone have sometimes harder periods, thats why we are couples, to help each other back to the road when one of us is falling down. Women are not mind readers. Women love by ears! Another winner!! Less painful than before now that I have been learning about my relationship habits and beliefs?

You bet!! I actually see self progress and self esteem re-emerging from the ashes of being a fallback girl. I can see things so much more clearly 2 months on. I was his post-separation experiment. Oh, how I wish I could travel back to and show myself this post before all the malarkey….

Describes exactly my last relationship. So comforting to read these articles and fully understand what happened to me and my part in it. Just reread your book on values. Preparing for the next real relationship and will be able to spot the values that I am looking for and those that I am not and whether the person is wanting to spend time with me for the same reasons that I want to spend time with him.

I feel that I have learned a lifetime of knowledge in the last year. I feel so lucky to have found this site. I know that it has saved me from so many years of pain. What I love about your blogs is they cut through all the confusion. The hot and cold behaviour you describe kind of throws you off balance. Your blogs hold up the mirror of truth and show the situation for what it really is — abusive, hurtful, cruel and just plain wrong. There is no way they are ever going to change. The only way to save yourself is to get the hell out of there.

Steph, what you write really resonates for me. I allowed this to continue for almost 6 years with numerous breaks, but always going back for more abuse, ever hopeful for change, although really knowing it would not come about and so confused. I feel the painful ties to this awful episode loosening, thought this would never happen.

We must have been going out with the same assclown! Everything you wrote above describes me.

I made excuses for him, downplayed my needs, reduced my expectations, accepted appalling treatment, refashioned myself to suit him, and ultimately gave myself a nervous breakdown from the strain of being unauthentic, untrue to myself, and emotionally abused by him for nearly a year. It was his wrenching out of me all the benefits of being in a relationship while not being in one himself.

Choosing and Being the Right Spouse

In other words, I was his girlfriend but he was never my boyfriend. I was in love with him and he used that to exploit everything he could out of me while not actually giving me a relationship. I just lowered my expectations.